Once you begin to see the world through a gendered lens, there is no going back. It is everywhere — woven into our choices, our opportunities, our leadership. And yet, for so long, I did not see it.
When did I first realise I was a woman? Was it a sudden revelation, or did the awareness creep in slowly, over years of unspoken lessons?
Looking back at my past, I realise how deeply the world shaped my understanding of who I am, often more than I shaped myself. From home to school, the playground to the market — everywhere.
Ironically, what comes to mind first is my time on the playground. As a state-level badminton player, conversations with those around me focused on everything but the sport itself. From deciding what to wear to choosing the right coach, whether to play mixed doubles or not, these decisions were never ever fully mine. This complete disregard had always been gnawing at me. On top of that was the constant expectation to be graceful, polite, and submissive — pressures that extended far beyond the court. They shaped my confidence, choices, and how I showed up, both on and off the court. Despite my love for the sport, I often felt I had to shrink myself to fit the mould others had set for me and eventually I left the sport really early.
Then, there were the subtler moments of everyday life — the way I clutched my bag tighter in a crowded train station, how I learned to scan a room before stepping inside, the way I’d adjust my clothes and scrutinise myself when someone looked at me for more than 10 seconds, the inner chatter that would follow, wondering, ‘What’s wrong with me today?’ Few friends, measured conversations, restricted phone calls, and limited mobility outside the home, only when absolutely necessary. I experienced life confined within these set norms and I still continue to feel the same.
These were not isolated incidents; they were patterns. They were proof that the world expected me to move differently because I was a woman.
My lived experiences, from trust to confusion, love to expectations, and my desire to ambitions, reflect the embedded limitations and pressures, and were all influenced by the subtle yet significant messages I received over time.
It took me time to truly see how much these silent rules had shaped me. It wasn’t until I sat in a women’s leadership program conducted by India Leaders for Social Sector (ILSS) for mid-career women in the social sector, that the full weight of it became clear. In our sessions, I heard countless stories, and suddenly, I wasn’t alone. The invisible rules that shaped my life had shaped theirs too.
It was both empowering and exhausting. To see gender everywhere is to hold a mirror to the structures that surround us — ones that tell us to conform, to doubt ourselves, to make ourselves smaller. Unconscious bias is not just frustrating; it is dangerous. It seeps into our confidence, our decisions, our ambitions.
But knowledge is power. And with this power comes responsibility. We cannot unsee what we now know. Recognising these biases is only the first step. The real challenge lies in confronting them, in redefining leadership, in taking up space without apology.
So, what do we do with this awareness? We act. We speak up. We lift others with us. As Malala Yousafzai said, ‘I raise up my voice — not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard.’ Leadership, I have learned, is not just about personal ambition. It is about making space for others, about ensuring that no one has to navigate this journey alone.
This is not just a perspective. It is a way of living. It is the way I lead, the foundation of my work, the way I show up in the world. It is about embedding equity and inclusivity into every action, every conversation, every decision. And that is the most powerful realisation of all.
Ready to Shake Things Up? Own Your Leadership Journey now, and forever
- Reflect on Your Journey
Take out your journal (or the Notes app — no judgment!) and jot down three moments when gender played a role in your opportunities or decisions. Maybe it was when you hesitated to negotiate a salary, or when you were the only woman in a leadership meeting. What did you feel? What would you do differently now?
- Build Your Network
Think of five women you admire in your field — leaders, peers, even colleagues who always have your back. Reach out! Send a LinkedIn message, invite them for coffee, or join a women’s leadership forum. Having a squad makes a world of difference.
- Challenge Biases (With Style!)
Notice how women’s ideas sometimes get overlooked in meetings? Next time, amplify a female colleague’s point by reinforcing it: ‘That’s a great idea, Priya just suggested something similar — let’s explore it further!’ Small actions shift cultures.
- Embrace Vulnerability (It’s a Superpower!)
Being real about your challenges creates space for others to do the same. Share a story about a time you faced self-doubt and how you worked through it. Vulnerability builds trust, and trust builds strong teams.
- Mentor and Lift Others Up
Who’s one woman in your circle who could use some guidance or encouragement? Offer to share your career lessons, review a resume, or make an introduction. It doesn’t have to be formal — sometimes, a quick chat over chai is enough to change someone’s trajectory.
- Keep Learning and Stay Curious
Sign up for one new learning opportunity in the next three months — a workshop, a book, a podcast. Try The Fix by Michelle King or How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen for practical insights on navigating leadership.
- Lead with Purpose and Own Your Impact
What’s your leadership style? Are you the mentor, the problem solver, the changemaker? Define your leadership ethos and look for ways to align your work with your values. You don’t need a title to be a leader — you just need intent.
Every time we challenge a bias, amplify another woman’s voice, or dare to take up space, we are dismantling the invisible barriers that have held too many of us back for too long. As Maya Angelou so powerfully said, ‘Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.’
The question is no longer if change will happen — the question is: Will you be the one to lead it? The time is now. Let’s rise together!
